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I Was Adopted :: Part 1

November 07, 2012

November is National Adoption Month, and guess what? I was adopted.

Growing Up Knowing :: Part 1 of a 4 post series.

I was adopted when I was two months old. Those first two months of life were spent in a foster home and I have no idea what I looked like.

We didn’t go on Maury and my parents didn’t cause a scene—I grew up knowing I was adopted. Since I cannot remember that far back, although I do have a good memory, I asked my mom when & how they told me. She said:
                                                                                   
When we adopted you, Dad and I had wondered how we would actually tell you when "the day" came. We never wanted it to be a secret, yet on the other hand we didn't want you to feel that you were "unwanted" by your birth mom and that as a little girl you would think we would place you for adoption, too! Never know what goes through the mind of a child. So, we decided we would be very matter of fact about it and if the question arose, we would explain it when we thought you were ready.  The best way happened very naturally. You were about 3 or 4 and had seen pregnant ladies at the store, or moms of friends. You asked why their tummy was big and I explained about babies and you said, " like I was in your tummy too, right, mommy?" I said no, you were in someone else's tummy but your daddy and I were blessed by God to adopt you. You just looked at me and said," Oh, that's so good." And that was pretty much the end of it. I did hear you telling your little friends, " I was in someone else's tummy but my mommy and daddy dopped me." (You were born in my heart, not under it. I had told you that many times when you were much older.) 

So there you have it. I might not have actually known what adopted meant, but I rolled with it. Being adopted has never been a big deal to me and has not affected my life. I look so much like my parents that no one believes I was adopted.
I had a tanning problem, shut up. If you are from Michigan, you had or still have a tanning problem, too!
I have a memory from being at the adoption agency. A few years ago, I told my mom that I think I remember being in a crib at the adoption agency. The crib was brown and I had sunshine bear - the yellow care bear. She flipped shit. There are no pictures in existence of that scene, but it's true. How the hell do I remember something from when I was 2 months old, and the fact that I knew, in my mind, that it was a yellow care bear. Crazy. 


People have certainly said some strange things to me over the years, when they’ve found out that I was adopted:

Oh my gosh, I’m sorry to bring it up.”
Wait, are we having the same conversation? What are you sorry for bringing up? I just told you that I was adopted. I was 2 months old, I don’t know any better. If my parents never told me, I wouldn’t have any reason to ever think I was adopted.

“Oh, that sucks.”
What part sucks? The part where my biological mom gave me up for adoption so that I could have a better life? Or . . . oh wait, there isn’t an or. I don’t understand what sucks. If I was 16 and put up for adoption then I might be pissed haha.

“Do you know your REAL parents?”
Yes, they raised me and I lived in their house for 18 years until I went to college. I know them pretty well. OH, you mean my biological parents, the ones who created me and gave birth to me? I think parents are the people who raise you, not who create you, though they can be both. Sure, I have biological parents, but they are not my parents.

“What the hell?  I can’t believe you didn’t tell me” or “I’ve known you for this long and you didn’t tell me?”
I’m sorry, next time I meet someone, I’ll be sure to tell them when I was bored, when I was adopted, how much I weigh, my social security number and my real hair color. What the hell have you told me about yourself? I can’t believe you haven’t told me that you weren’t adopted.

“Oh, I’m sorry, we don’t have to talk about it.”
Um, ok?

Too bad foreheads don't shrink as you grow older.
I don’t have any photos with me since I’m traveling and didn’t plan that well, but I was adopted at 2 months old, this photo was taken a few months after (I have no idea how old I was). Thank goodness I have good hair now! 

I grew up knowing and I didn’t care. It’s like having brown hair or grandparents in England. Oh lord, now you’re going to be mad because you didn’t know I have family in England.

What questions do you have? I know a lot of people are curious, I would be too. Leave your questions in the comments and I will respond there or write a follow up post if there are a lot of questions. If you’ve been reading for a while, you know I have a hard shell, don’t take much personally and have no problem sharing details of my life. Ask away!

Upcoming posts in the series:

11 comments:

  1. So excited to read this series. At (almost) 36 and no kids, adoption is fast becoming my choice for having children.

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    1. It was about a 7 year process for my parents, so if you are interested, you might want to look into it haha no rush

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  2. LOL I know - I'm likely going to go the foster adoption route, unless I leave the Bible Belt of VA. I have talked to 2 adoption agencies and they have both said "you're a SINGLE MOTHER???" uh.... yes, yes I am. I could get knocked up and have a baby, why can't you help me find one who needs me?! Ugh.

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  3. I think it's AWESOME that you were adopted! Adoption is a beautiful thing. There's definitely a difference between biological parents and REAL parents. My biological parents split when I was 8ish months old. My bio. dad was in the AF, so I hardly saw him growing up. I was raised by my mom and stepdad. He's who I call "dad" because he was always around. I know it bothers my bio dad (with whom I just now have a decent relationship) when I say it, but what the heck else am I supposed to call him?! *sigh* Anyway. Families are families no matter how they come together. :)

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  4. Hello from another Virginia Blogger! :) I think it's awesome that you're so open about it! Why not? I'm glad you're able to recognize what a HUGE Blessing you are to your adoptive parents!

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  5. You so look like your mom - you could be sisters. Your crib story reminds me of a friend of mine who was adopted. Her parents were arrested when she was nine months old and she swears she remembers the police breaking down their apartment door and arresting them. She was in her crib. She ended up in foster care and was adopted by her foster family. When I met her in college she was searching for her real parents. She found her real mom - her dad had died in prison. Her mom had gone on to have five more children and they all wanted my family to give them money. She now regrets finding them.

    Your adoptive parents sound wonderful. And I never once doubted my friend's story.

    Stopping by from SITS.

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  6. I gave my first born up for adoption to her step-mother and father when she was 7 years old. She is going to be 13 this December. She was fully aware of everything we were doing.

    Since then I've adopted my oldest son this past year and he's now 9 years old, and the adoption process took over two years to complete.

    Both kids in these situations are happy and proud of what all of the parents involved in the situation have done for them. (You can read more details on my blog.) However, parenting doesn't come with a manual, and when you throw in life factors it's sometimes better to do the adoption route for all involved.

    I'm glad to see your so open about your own adoption. Of course, like you've pointed out you were only two months old. Do you wonder what your biological parents are like?

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  7. Hi Chelsea! I'm stopping by from the Show and Tell link up and am a new follower. I think it's great that you are sharing your story. Looking forward to getting to know you!
    Angie

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  8. I love that you're talking about this. My god sister was adopted by relatives of one of her parents. She had a different last name and looked nothing like her adopted parents. Yet, no one ever spoke of it. It was a forbidden topic. How you've come into existence in the current life you life should be a story told at home. Stopping by from SITS.

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  9. I love your answer to "Do you know your real parents". I have answered that one the same way so many times I am far beyond losing count, I was adopted as well! Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.
    Mine were very similar to yours. My parents always told me, I honestly don't remember when I was first "told" all I know is that there was an incredible woman who loved me and wanted me to have an incredible life, and by God's fine work I was placed in my parents arms.
    My little sister is also adopted, from China though, and so her experiences are completely different from ours. My favorite question about her has to be: "Does she know she's adopted?"
    I absolutely love this post girl, and I can't wait to read the rest of the series.
    My biological sister (yep, she found me!) has been bugging me to write out my journey and I think you have inspired me!
    Sorry about the long comment: found you from Becky's linkup and I am in love with your blog!!!!

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    1. Thanks, Kate! I'm posting part 4 later this week - the final post! I would love to read about your journey!

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