I wish he was deployed

August 18, 2012
It's no secret that we don't like Virginia Beach, but we moved here so that Travis would be non-deployable. Meaning, he'd spend the next 2-3 years at home with Brady. 

We moved here in February and he didn't start his job as an Instructor until this past Monday (annoying that we've been here for no reason for 7 long, pointless months). He just picked up his first class, and everyone knows the first week of any class is usually pretty low key. Travis has been getting home between 6 and 8, one day at 5:30. 

I know I sound like a whiny biznatch right now, and I know what I was "getting into" when we got married, BUT we were fed a bunch of bullshit about this job. 

What we were told (none of this is true), not to mention we are beyond the point of things being fabricated, he's an E6 and there shouldn't be any bs'ing once you're IN the Corps! So, back to what we were told: 

- It's a higher-class, elite group of people 
- The wives are older, more mature and aren't typical military wives 
- There are SOME long hours
- The only long hours are leading up to, and during finex 
- Virginia Beach is great 

People here suck. Virginia Beach is white trash and disgusting. I've met the wives once and didn't see a need to get their contact information. The hours are always long. 

I would have preferred to go to Croatia, as I wrote about here. If there was a chance in hell we could've stayed in California (we were pushing our time there already) I would've dealt with another deployment. 

I realize there are long hours and job comes first. I wish my job came first. I'm pulling all of the strings in the world to hang on to my job in California (read about that here) and work from home. Yes, I'm home all day, but I don't come out of my office, so at the end of the day, Brady still has to be picked up from daycare, driven home, dinner started all while still working on West Coast time, answering emails and phone calls. 

Now my husband isn't coming home until we've already eaten or it's Brady's bath time. When it's just Brady and I, I have no desire to cook. Who cares? I'm fine making quick, simple meals for us, but those aren't enough for Travis, so I still have to cook a decent meal for whenever he gets home. 

Once he gets home, Brady is off to bed and we are all exhausted so we sit down for the night. Most of this is just me venting because it's a Saturday and he just went into work. Tomorrow, I have plans form 3-5 and he told his students he would be more than hpapy to come in and help them tomorrow afternoon. Hell no. He always tells me if/when I find something to do or to have 'me time' that I can have it. I'm going to a Pampered Chef party, not because I want to, but so that I can get out of the house! So, he's going in in the morning instead. He's going to go during Brady's nap time, but it still sucks because he's not home. 

I've always said it's probably easier to be a single mom because you don't have to worry about someone, wonder when they are coming home or rely on anyone for help. I'm definitely not saying that being a single mom would be easy, but maybe you can understand what I mean. 

At this point, I also think Travis being deployed would be easier than him randomly being here. Don't get me wrong, I love when he is home and when the three of us can spend time together, but never knowing when he's coming or going is irritating. We can't make any plans, plan trips or anything until after December 17. I don't know when he picks up his next class, but I'm sure it's soon after that. 

If this place wasn't the asshole of America and I knew more people or had family here, it wouldn't be as bad. 

If you read this entire post, you probably want to smack me, but if you're a military wife, you get it. We know what we "signed up for" but it doesn't mean we have to love it. 

Excuse me while I go finish the laundry and figure out what's for dinner. A dinner I don't feel like making. I'm also checking out sittercity.com to find someone who can help with housekeeping and cooking dinner one night a week while I have a conference call. 

Did I mention Travis has a cast on his left arm so he can't help out as much? He does. 

Have a great weekend with your families! 


  1. Hang in there! Hopefully you'll make some good friends soon.

  2. Hi Chelsea... This post makes me sad. I have been here in VB for 12 years, and while I didn't instantly love it, I have never hated it and it actually has grown on me over the years. I walk in very similar shoes to you, active duty Navy SEAL hubby who has deployed more times since 9-11 than the fingers (and thumbs) on both my hands. I moved to VB when my firstborn was 5 and my secondborn was 1. I moved into the very same house you currently live in. My husband jumped into his job with both feet right away, and I did feel lonely quite a bit. I had my moments of resenting the pull and priority his career had on him. But I was determined to be happy. Slowly I made friends. I was young, 25 at the time, and hadn't finished my degree yet. I started back to school working toward my business degree, and also got my personal training certification and started working at a couple gyms, started church-hopping til I found one that I loved. I joined a bunco group, went to wives functions and forced myself to reach out. I made sure I had fun down-time for myself. Babysitters from the neighborhood where essential. I had girls nights, date nights with my hubby whenever I could. And when I got to the end of my rope from time to time, I MADE my husband join me for counseling. That was a huge key in working through crankiness toward the life-sucking NAVY grind, and in improving my communication with my spouse. It helped immensely. We have been married almost 19 years, and it has been a roller coaster ride of highs and lows, good and bad, happy and sad. But I have chosen to embrace it: I am proud to serve my country through support to my husband and his mission to keep America safe and sound and free, I am proud to have found my own identity(outside my military wife roll)as a friend to many wonderful military and non-military women, as a business woman, investor, REALTOR, as mother of wonderful teens who make me happy (almost)every day. I have chosen to make myself happy in the midst of military and relational bullcrap that continuously rear their ugly heads. I choose to be happy, and make the best of it. I know I sound very "Polyanna" but attitude is everything in this life. I have had my fair share of shitty days, even phases of depression, but I push through and look for all that I have to be thankful for in my life. There is a lot.

    This phase you are in is a hard one. New town, the toddler phase, breaking into a new routine, no super good friends here yet... keep working toward tweaking your VB life into something that doesn't suck. You can make it happen.

    PS- Let's go get a martini next week, once we are back from Michigan. Have you been to FRESH next to the movie theater or "7" in RedMill?

    1. Hey! I can't imagine what you've been through with Sean, nothing like I've been through or will ever be through, I'm SURE! I wrote this post in the heat of the moment, but I am truly trying to make our time here a good one. We have a couple of good friends here and are trying to find more ways to hang out during the week-- after work and before our kids' bed times!

      PLEASE don't take it personally when I say I hate this house, we are so happy that we have it and once we moved in it was much better, we were just spoiled in California and this blog is clearly my outlet :) If we hated it that much, we wouldn't live in it. We've made it our own, and my favorite room is now the FROG :)

      Thanks for commenting, I know we don't really have it that bad, but some days i just want to scream. Staying out of the military wife circle for the most part has always been the best idea, so I'll continue to do so, except for the fantastic women I've met along the way.

      Have a great time in Michigan and drink A LOT of Faygo and Vernors! I'm heading to CA on Sunday and will be back on Labor Day.