An Open Letter to New Military Spouses

August 09, 2012

Dear New Military Wife,

Congratulations on your marriage, here are a few things you should know. And by few, I mean very few. You’ve got a lot to learn, but the sooner you know these things, the better.

You did not marry The Corps
You married a Marine (or other service member), you didn’t marry the Marine Corps. You didn’t raise your right hand, you didn't go through bootcamp, you didn't earn an Eagle, Globe and Anchor, and the Corps didn’t put a ring on your finger. You are a dependent of a United States Marine. If you start saying things like this, you will be labeled as a dependapotomus or dependasaurous. You don’t want to be that. DON’T be that.

You are not in the silent ranks
You will see poems and statuses and etc… about the silent ranks. There are no silent ranks. Spouses do not have ranks. You are a spouse. Service members have rank, they earn it and they live it. You do not earn a rank, get promoted or reenlist. You are a spouse. Support other spouses, but you don’t need an additional title.  There is nothing silent about a military wife- they don’t hide, they aren’t under witness protection, they aren’t secretive, there is definitely nothing silent about them.

You are not sexually deprived for everyone’s freedom
Your husband is deployed and you’re not getting any. Boo hoo. Well, at least you’re not supposed to be getting any. There are a lot of barracks rats out there, don’t be one of those. You can keep your pants on for 7 months, you’ll live. We all do.

You not getting any doesn’t mean my freedom is that much more valid. What is giving me freedom is your spouse being a damn good Marine.

You’re not the first one
Boo hoo your husband is going to deploy. Boo hoo your husband is gone for a week. Enjoy the alone time, it’s going to be okay. You’re not the first one to marry a Marine.  I don’t need to elaborate any further.

It’s okay to get dressed
Don’t wear your nasty, ratty pajamas out in town. Not even to the commissary. Own $200 lululemon yoga pants? So do I, but no one else knows that. Put some normal clothes on when you go shopping. Yoga pants are okay, most of the time. Your plaid, tigger and oversized pajama bottoms? Disgusting. Do something with yourself.


  1. Great post. As a Navy wife of 19 years I would add just s couple of things to your list.

    1. Get involved in the group that supports your spouses command. You don't have to 'do' anything, just come as often as you can ~ and be polite.
    When you need help THESE are the people who will WILLINGLY step up and HELP you.
    If, however you have never shown your face, or you have but have been rude you have no one to blame but yourself for the lack of support.

    2. Remember that in this age of 'instant' communication, your service member is still on a mission. If you don't hear from him for a day or a week, it's no reason to melt down. When you do hear from them remember the following
    A. Don't bitch about it. He is not trying to 'punish' you.
    B. When he tells you about a cool place he went or something he did that was fun, don't be jealous. He spends 95% of his time in the belly of a ship or a barracks somewhere wishing he was at home with you.
    C. Even in 2012 'Loose Lips Sink Ships', keep OPSEC to yourself.

    Keep up the good work!

  2. I was laughing about how dramatic some military spouses and girlfriends can be to my roommate just last night. You put it much more eloquently than I did!

  3. I love this post!! I had to read a couple to my hunny. I have one question.. what is "silent rank" mean? I am not sure I understand that one, and I really enjoy your posts. I wish I had found you blog while my hunny was on deployment, it was my first one. I got a kick out of the post tho. :)

  4. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I absolutely love your blog posts, amen!