baby #2

May 07, 2012
I'm not pregnant, but I have a lot of mixed feelings on baby # 2. Not too long ago we decided that Brady is going to be an only child- you can read the "Top 5 Reasons will be an Only Child" here.
We would love to have more children, but those reasons are what will let us continue to live comfortably. When I see young siblings together I think it's the cutest thing ever. When I see siblings fighting in the store, I want to give the mom a hug. When I look back on Brady's photos, I want a non-crawling or walking baby to lie in my arms.
It's when I get to reading news articles or blog posts about babies being on their death beds, babies dying and etc... makes me really scared to have another child. It's the thought of having to go through that vs being in the situation that scares me the most. No, I haven't been in that situation but the only way I can try to describe how I feel is talking about deployment.
When a deployment is approaching, I'm scared, my anxiety is through the roof and all I can think about is the worst possible scenarios. When we are actually going through the deployment, things are a lot different, I adapt and I am fine. I know I would do the same if my child needed extra care. The thoughts and what if's are enough to scare me away from almost anything.

The 'what if's' are not what is keeping us from having another child, but they certainly aren't pushing us in the direction of having more. I realize this probably makes no sense because I keep retyping it and I can't make sense of it.

Some of my friends have miracle babies and they make me so, so happy, I almost feel like they are more proud of their child than the 'typical' parent because of all they have overcome.

I should just stop here, I'm going in circles and can't make sense of myself. Bottom line is, we've decided not to have more children, but we have not shut the door completely. We also came to an agreement that when I find a new career that makes enough money (I won't be with Rubio's forever because it's not a remote position) and am at the weight I am comfortable with (which I'm nowhere near and you can read about that here) then we will probably have another. We'll probably see pigs fly since everyone knows military families don't stay in one place for too long, so there would be no point to hire me. I might've told the hiring manager at Rubio's that I would be there for several years . . . but I got the job, right? Stress.

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1 comment:

  1. maybe now isnt the time for #2 but who knows what the future holds. Brady is one happy, sweet little dude and he will be no matter if he has siblings or not.